Thursday, October 31, 2013

If Fire Had a Voice...

I wrote on a fellow volunteer’s Facebook page, “I have tremendous admiration for those who live their lives knowing that following your heart does not necessarily mean following the ‘rules.’ Especially when said rules are unjust, inhumane, and stacked against the most vulnerable members of society. If we want to see (and be) change in the world, it's essential to overcome the ‘me-first’ mentality. I am truly awed when I find people who have done so and whose strength of spirit inspires others to do the same.”

My third visit to Tent City – the first time I met Minister Steve Brigham in person – is what inspired that statement.

It was just this past Sunday, and upon arriving at the camp, I was met with a much different scene than I’d grown accustomed to over the days preceding. This time, the place was teeming with people, most of them volunteers. I later learned that the largest group was the Secular Franciscans from a parish in Colonia, and the other was a youth group from Marlboro.

They bustled about, preparing food and laying down plastic tablecloths. They carried multiple boxes and bags of donation items, from sleeping bags to toiletries. A painting of St. Francis stood on an unsteady easel not far from the chapel. Standing in the midst of them, carrying two jugs of water and three bags of apples, I immediately felt quite insignificant.

And in the midst of the crowd, a man caught my eye. Well over six feet tall, standing next to the little old ladies with rosaries around their necks, he was quite an imposing figure. He was dressed more formally than the others there, I recognized him at once – from the videos, the photographs taken at the production of “Harry,” and the news reports. Minister Steve himself.

Despite feeling so intimidated by that huge crowd, I introduced myself, and he greeted me with a broad smile and a handshake. He lifted the water jugs from my overloaded hands, and directed me to the food area, handing me a small crate in which I placed the apples.

“Do you need any help?” 

He glanced around. “We’ve got a lot of people here today, so I think we’re fine. Thank you.”

I nodded, but my heart dropped. I cursed my ill timing and took a seat on a bench near Alex’s trailer. And then I decided against it, reluctant to disturb him at work. I thought…now what?

My answer came in the form of a man who approached me and immediately struck up a conversation. I learned his name was Brian, and that he had a baby daughter in foster care. And that he missed her terribly. We talked for what seemed like forever. I saw the woman with the dreadlocks, had selected a brightly-colored nail polish from a box of donated toiletries. I finally learned her name: Vera.

Another man, wearing a black skull cap and wool-lined coat, sat down across from us. I learned that he’d just been arguing with his wife. Apparently, she’d been complaining that there wasn’t enough salt in the food, and he’d become frustrated trying to find her some. There was a look of genuine pain in his eyes as he described her struggles, and how much he just wanted her “to get her sh*t together.”

I smiled. “It’s so great that you’re there for her. That’s real love.”

He smiled back – and, although we’d only known each other for a grand total of fifteen minutes, told me I was a good friend.

He asked, “Have you seen Minister Steve?”

I pointed in the direction of the path by the chapel, where he’d walked past with the youth group. My newfound friend – Clarence – got up from his seat and asked if I wanted to walk with him. I obliged.

“One thing though,” he said. “You gotta be careful of the roosters. The big fluffy black ones.”

I laughed. “Attack chickens.”

“Oh yeah,” Clarence laughed with me. “I saw them chase a guy. They were pecking at him like crazy.”

“I’ve heard roosters can be really aggressive.”

Clarence stopped in his tracks. “Some can be aggressive. These are just plain dangerous.

We reached a spot that was roped off. When I saw a wiry, white-haired man taking a seat at a piano, I knew where Minister Steve had led the youth group.

There was a cage just behind the rope, and above the roosters’ squawking, I heard a faint mew – and a furry paw emerged from between the metal bars. The leaves rustled, and from behind the cage stepped another familiar face from the news: Marilyn Berenzweig. She waved to us as she hurriedly placed a bowl of water in the cage.

“Mama has five kittens in there,” explained Marilyn. “Eating me out of house and home, this one.”

I nodded. “I can imagine!”

Clarence and I followed the gentle, if slightly out of tune, melody of Ave Maria. We crossed the path to where Minister Steve and the Marlboro teens stood listening to Michael Berenzweig – otherwise known as Tent City’s “Piano Man.”

And, being a musician myself, I was captivated. I applauded when he was finished, and lingered for a moment while Clarence continued to pursue his salt-seeking mission.

“Wow. You’re really good. That’s one of my favorite songs.”

He smiled. “Wish I knew all the words, but it really is beautiful. I love the chord changes in that one part.” He sat back down for a moment and played a segment of the song as the small crowd headed back toward the center of camp. Then he stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry. Don’t mean to keep you.”

“Please, don’t apologize. I could listen to you play all day.”

Eventually, I caught up with Clarence, and this time, his wife – who was in the middle of discarding her food and declaring it “nasty.” Clarence shrugged, salt shaker still in hand, then set it down on a nearby table and headed off to assist some volunteers with a carload or two of winter clothing.

A young woman with a camera phone in her hand tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me – would you mind taking a picture of us?”

I glanced at where the large group of Franciscans had assembled. “Sure.” I snapped a few photos. The sun was started to descend, and there was a noticeable chill in the air. With only my gray hoodie and a t-shirt, I started regretting not bringing an additional jacket. And I started thinking about how the police had come to camp just days before and declared a ban on wood stoves. It was cold enough on a late October afternoon; I grimaced at the idea of sleeping outdoors, in a tent, in the middle of January. As if on cue, a chill ran right up my spine.

I leaned against a tall stump. I heard a voice say my name and turned around. It was Michael.

“Hey there,” he called.

And thus began another conversation. I told him how I loved playing piano myself – secondly, of course, to singing and composing. And that I was in a band that played mostly classic rock. He balked when I mentioned Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith. “Can’t stand either one of them.”

“Aw, seriously? Aerosmith is one of my favorite.”

“All Steven Tyler does is scream.”

“But…he screams so well.”

I realized Michael was not only a talented musician who played both piano and guitar in addition to singing, but that he was also quite the musical history buff. He had encyclopedic knowledge of bands both groundbreaking and obscure. He told me he considered Procol Harem grossly underrated.

“You gotta listen to their stuff. ‘Whiter Shade of Pale’ isn’t even close to their best work.”

Our conversation covered music of the 1960s and 70s, the Bible, and animal rights. He called the latter a misnomer. “We’re animals too,” he explained, “so really, when you think about it, animal rights also incorporates human rights. They’re one in the same.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Minister Steve hurry by. He tapped on the door of Alex’s trailer, but I couldn’t hear what he said.

We were interrupted by what sounded like a loud gong. I looked over my shoulder to see a man in a hooded jacket banging something against a presumably empty propane tank.

“Minister Steve’s giving a sermon,” Michael said.

The chapel was one of the few wooden-beamed structures at the site – heavy, translucent plastic for the walls, a large blue tarp for the roof. An organ sat unassumingly in the corner near the pulpit. The seats were worn, but colorful. I chose one in the fourth row, between Michael and a solemn-looking gentleman with downcast eyes.

Minister Steve entered the room, and we were silent. His very presence commanded attention, before he’d even said a word. So began his sermon, his powerful voice filling the recesses of the chapel, overshadowing the roosters’ crowing, the wind, the rustle of the dry leaves. He began with a resurrection-centered reading from Corinthians, then imparted a eulogy for a recently-deceased resident named Slavik, who was, I gathered, a friend of both Alex and the man to my right.

Then, his sermon veered in the direction of the injustices that had taken place over the past week – the police confiscating the residents’ sole source of warmth, the bulldozers, the harassment. How he was a twelfth-generation American, whose vision of a adopting a sustainable lifestyle and embracing simplicity could make our nation one we could be proud of.

And in those moments I, a former college campus minister/ theology student turned-non-believer, recalled the words of Christ’s disciples: “Did our hearts not burn within us?” (Luke 24:32) Indeed, the phrase “tongue of fire” took on quite a different meaning for me there in the chapel.

Had his voice been actual fire, the absence of wood stoves in the camp would definitely be a non-issue. I bowed my head and, for the first time in many years, said a prayer. For Michael, Alex, Clarence and his wife, and all those I now considered friends. And Slavik too, even though we'd never met.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Way Into the Woods

The first time was at night. I was actually nervous about making my presence known. Mostly because I had no idea what I was getting into, what I would encounter, if in fact I should have just remained a self-proclaimed "armchair activist" before I got in too deep.

I knew I'd gone a bit too far when I approached the stadium. I made a K-turn and hoped there were no police cars around. I was relieved when I reached a red light, which gave me an opportunity to scan the side of the road while the car was stopped. Obscured by the darkness and tucked behind a bent yellow road sign, the dirt road was barely visible from the main strip.

Once I found it, my next priority was circumventing trees, garbage bins, some debris, and of course tents. Presumably with people fast asleep inside them.

It had not occurred to me that most of the residents, in the absence of electricity, would be retiring once the sun had set. I wasn't entirely prepared for how dark it was. Without my headlights, my first impression could have easily been a macabre one.

In a moment or two, the famed school bus was in sight, but all was eerily still, save for the crackle of my tires over a branch, a cricket's chatter.

So, my curiosity had been assuaged - but then it occurred to me that there was no way for me to hightail it out of there if I wanted to. Not without substantial collateral damage. The scattered trees, tents, and tables made turning around impossible. I sighed, turned off my headlights, and at once felt a mix of relief and trepidation when I thought I saw something move. Or someone. Yes, definitely a person. They were waving a flashlight around. Fear turned into relief. I didn't care who the person was; another human in the middle of all that darkness was a remarkably welcome sight.

"Hello?" I opened my car door and got out.

It was a woman - older, thin, copious hair on her upper lip. "Hey honey. Are you lost?"

"I'm okay." I offered her some bottled water, which she accepted without hesitation. I carried the bottles to her tent. It occurred to me at that moment that I'd never pitched a tent in my life. I'd never even been camping.

She said little, just followed me back to my car, a look of concern on her face as I climbed into the driver's seat. "I think I can make it out."

"OK, honey. Thank you. God bless you."

It took a bit of maneuvering, but I managed to turn the car around. I waved at the woman and crawled back down the dirt road, back to the glaring lights of the highway.

The second time, I had some company: namely, my friend Matt. We brought along some clothes to donate, and were greeted by a man - Dave - who explained that he helped take care of things when Minister Steve wasn't around. I noticed the bus I'd seen the night before was absent. Dave helped Matt sort the clothing - including two women's winter coats - on a nearby picnic table. A handful of residents appeared from out of the woods to examine the items. Most were snapped up within just a short time. A woman with dreadlocks smiled widely upon finding a small box of hair accessories at the bottom of a bag. I peered into the vacant chapel; I read the Scripture passage on a white board; I located Alex's office and introduced myself. I met several more of the residents as Matt and I took a walk down one of the paths. One, a frail-looking blonde woman, greeted us, and we discovered we shared the same name: Lisa. We laughed about it, and she hugged me.

Now that it was daylight, the first word that came to mind was "sprawling." We'd reach the end of one cluster of makeshift homes, and another would begin. We saw a dog or two, then more tents. Many were tidy; a few were a haphazard amalgam of loosely-hung awnings and various clutter. Most had tarps slung over them to guard against inclement weather. These tiny homes, according to stories I'd read, had survived Hurricane Sandy, whereas palatial homes in the town, sturdy-looking and surrounded by far fewer trees, had been decimated.

The other word that came to mind was "chickens." Roosters, hens, and chicks alike roamed the camp freely, crowing and scratching, occasionally perching themselves on a stump or low-hanging tree branch. Matt said it reminded him of his mother's former village back in the Philippines, which she took him to visit when he was a boy.

Aside from a short-lived squabble over someone allegedly hoarding items from the donation table, it was remarkably peaceful. People waving from plastic Adirondack chairs on makeshift porches, echoes of "hey" and "how ya doin'" greeting us every few feet. But we headed home after about an hour, since Matt was performing in a show that night and still had some errands to run beforehand.

My third visit...now THAT is the one I really need to write about. :-) That is, after a night of sleep...

Hitting Home...

In our country overall, the state of mental health care is abysmal. It absolutely sickens me that it is easier and cheaper for an American citizen to obtain a gun and do the unthinkable, than it is to seek treatment substance abuse or mental illness. It saddens and frustrates me that gun ownership is a "right," while healthcare is a "privilege."

When I was twenty-one, I saw a movie that made me flat-out ugly-cry. Not the sweet sort of ET-grade sentimental tears. I mean, full-on, entire-box-of-Kleenex, eyes-bloodshot-for-days bawling.

It was called "The Saint of Fort Washington," and it was a fictional account of homelessness in New York City. Let me tell you, it was nothing short of life-altering. Even longtime film critic Roger Ebert was moved by this film and its depiction of the homeless. If you haven't seen it, here's what he had to say:

"Walking next to some thick shrubbery recently, I saw a foot moving behind the bushes, and became aware of a warren of cardboard and old blankets in the shadows: There was a person living there. I felt embarrassed, as if I'd walked in on somebody using the toilet. And I understood something about how we respond to the homeless. We have a tendency to look away, to not see these people huddled in doorways or holding crude signs on which they have written their life's tragedy. They embarrass us, standing before us naked, having been stripped of home, employment, family and proper costume. They are simply unadorned human beings, without social titles and roles, and we have no script for dealing with them. The coining of the word 'homeless' has been useful, since we are not comfortable in this society with words like beggar; at least a name has been given to their condition. Yet homelessness is the last in line of their problems, coming in many cases after mental illness, addiction, or the simple inability to find work. Since seeing this movie, I've found myself letting those guys at intersections wash my windshield. Big deal: I've changed exactly nothing about the underlying situation. But I feel like I know who they are."
In 1995, at the age of 22, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. Nearly twenty years later, I've been successful in treating it - taking my meds, attending counseling, and surrounding myself with loving and supportive people. I thank God that I am so fortunate. Because I am well aware that the overwhelming majority of homeless people struggle with some form of mental illness. Truth be told, if I ever lost my medical insurance, my prescription plan, I could destabilize. Which would impede my ability to earn a living. Which would in turn devastate my finances, and my family life, perhaps leaving me in the same predicament as the people Roger Ebert so accurately described.

Over the years, I'd heard stories about Tent City. I knew it existed; I also found it heartbreaking to watch politicians, police and the township of Lakewood criminalizing the plight of its most vulnerable citizens - the jobless, the addicted, the marginalized, the mentally ill.
But I didn't get involved until recently, thanks to the impact of art. My significant other, Matt, had a role in "Harry," an original play about Tent City that debuted at a local community theater. Two months later, I paid TC a visit. And it was life altering. 

That, dear friends, is where my story begins...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

I Have Heard...

Not a soul would feel the winter
If his words could light a fire
Idle hands and hearts are lifted
To the task that they inspire

And if you care to listen
As the voice of justice roars
Just like thunder from the heavens
Every heart its song implores

My own soul is moved and shaken
From complacency, I run
Though my hands are two, not many
And my voice is only one

But my ears are at the ready
For each story and each word
I will speak for the forgotten
And will let their voice be heard.

There is hope and there is freedom
Where they stand at mercy's door
With a vision of tomorrow
Where oppression is no more

I have heard, and that voice echoes
What is right, and what is true
I have heard, and I will listen
But the question is...will you?